I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
