she was so not down for the gang bang
I didn't shave. On purpose
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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