I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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