He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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