woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
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My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
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I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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