Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
