dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
