i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
