This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
