True but thats because hes a fetus.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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