so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
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its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
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She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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