I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
