I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
