hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
