hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
