I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
