Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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