Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We had sex on a dog bed..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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