Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
