Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
