Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
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She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
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I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize