She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
