so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
