Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
