do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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