I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
