Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize