I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
two words: eviction party
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
