his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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