I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
