Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
