just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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