My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I accidentally had phone sex last night
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
