i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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