I puked a lego.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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