It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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