He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
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He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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