I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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