i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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