I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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