I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
