Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
