I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Randomize
