Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm like, not good at living.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
