if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Even my vagina gasped.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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