she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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