I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
