Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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