Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
