his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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