Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
