my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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