there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I stole a fireplace last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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