after a month anything with tits is on the radar
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
