You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize