we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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