Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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