did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
