Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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