my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
