i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
