Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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