i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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