just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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