What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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