I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
